Observing Communication

It just so happens that last weekend I was visiting friends and a question was asked by a little girl that was at their house, and because of the nature of the question I thought it would be perfect for this assignment. The friends that I was visiting were two married men that had just adopted a baby girl. There were a few other friends that I knew and some that I did not, but we were all together to celebrate the new baby. One couple had a 4 year old girl named Ava who loved the baby and wanted to help anyway she could. Well, when it was time to feed baby Grace, one of the dad’s grabbed the bottle and started to give it to her. Without hesitation Ava stood up and said “wait, the mommy’s supposed to feed the baby. Where’s the mommy?” There was a bit of silence for a second, I don’t think the parent’s knew how to respond at that moment. Well one of Grace’s dad’s said to Ava, “Ava, some children don’t have mommies just like some children don’t have daddies; but there are some children that are lucky enough to have two mommies or two daddies”. She responded by saying, “wow they sure are lucky. So that means Grace is very lucky because she has two daddies right?  But I am lucky too because I have a mommy and a daddy right?” Ava’s dad spoke up right away and said, “Yes honey you are very lucky just like Grace. We can talk more at home, OK? Here’s your goldfish, do you want a snack?” You can tell they just wanted to gracefully end the conversation without having it go any further and continue on. 

I really liked how Grace’s dad spoke up since it seemed as if Ava’s parents were at a loss for words. I’ve actually come in contact with many parents that have confessed to me that they do not know how to respond to some of the questions their children ask them, especially when it is aimed toward any type of diversity or difference in race or ethnicity. I feel it is so important to be able to feel comfortable in speaking with your children regarding issues on diversity because they see so much, not just in school but all around them. Without the proper information they come up with their own conclusions or answers to questions they may have, and sometimes this can be harmful. You can tell that Ava was trying to make sense of being told Grace does not have a mommy, although at the end of her statements she kept asking “right?” as if she was trying to get some more information or validation that she was correct in her thinking.

I would have loved to have seen more interaction between Ava and her parents in this situation. I think they were more embarrassed than anything from her comment and didn’t know how to respond without offending anyone. I was interested in how Ava was really comprehending what she was told and what she had seen for the first time and would have been curious to see what she would have said if she was asked more questions on the issue and other questions she would have for the daddies. Dangel and Durden (2010) state that “questions that promotes children’s thinking require children to think beyond one-word responses to make connections, compare, and hypothesize.”  I almost wanted to be a fly on the wall at their home in order to see what the conversation would be like if and when she brought this topic up again at home. The importance in listening to children when they speak is crucial in order to really understand what it is they are saying and what it is they are really trying to get across and comprehend themselves. I liked what Stephenson (2009) said about listening when she spoke about the strategies she used in speaking to children;  she said “listening is paramount” and she found that how she listened governed what she heard. Stephenson (2009) also said that “when I consciously stepped back from the interaction,  from my own expectations of what I might hear, and listened with an attitude of respect, with openness, and in the anticipation that I might hear answers to questions that have not been asked, I was sometimes rewarded with insights”.  I feel that the rewards can be endless when we truly listen and respect what it is children say. Stepping back, as explained by Stephenson (2009) is a great way to “consider conversations from other perspectives, relinquish your own narrow agenda, and allow you to hear other messages”.

References

Rainer Dangel, J., & Durden, T. R. (2010). The nature of teacher talk during small group activities. YC: Young Children, 65(1), 74-81. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=47964033&site=ehost-live&scope=site

Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site