Conflicts & Non Violent Communication

A supportive climate while being responsive and respectful in my experience has worked to decrease and manage conflicts in my school. Being a Director I am often in a position to mediate between parents, teachers and parents, as well as between children. I always try to be supportive of the teachers and the parents and understand exactly how they are feeling as well as what it is they need and what their expectations are. I feel this helps in all parties so that all feel respected and there is effective communication going on. Most of the time the misunderstanding occurs when the individuals involved do not understand where the other person is coming from and don’t try to put themselves into their shoes. When we can agree that what we all want is a positive outcome, the conflict typically gets resolved and we can all gain a greater understanding of one another.

I am currently not in conflict with anyone but recently had the opportunity to help work through a conflict between two of my teachers. I was approached one day from my teacher Sandy that was upset with her co-teacher Pam who was being very short and abrupt with her for 2 days now and was brushing off a classroom incident that needed to be discussed. It is so important for the students to see their teachers getting along and respecting each other so they can learn the correct way to communicate. When I heard this I knew that these teachers were going to need some guidance to resolve whatever was causing their teaching relationship to go downhill. I had the chance to speak with Pam to see what might be causing this unusual behavior for her and knew that my attentive listening skills would help to understand her feelings and/or concerns. It just so happened that Pam’s husband had just got laid off, her car was in the shop and needed to rely on rides for the past few days, and her son had not been feeling well yesterday and was worried about him. After hearing Pam explain her very stressful start of the week I understood why her behavior and demeanor has been off, but unlike what Sandy thought it had nothing to do with her in general. I explained to Sandy that Pam has had many unfortunate personal circumstances that are causing much stress on her lately, and because Pam does not have a husband or family to take care of she never thought something at home would be wrong but automatically thought it was her. I advised Sandy that when Pam seemed to be overwhelmed during the day to ask her “How can I help you?” Sandy wanted to help in their communication problems lately and wanted to be more supportive of Pam and what she had to deal with in her personal life so when the three of us got together we thought it would be effective for the two of them to have a small meeting in the morning to share each other’s priorities. I had said to Sally to remember not to jump to any negative conclusions right away but to think in a positive perspective and try to sit back and understand what may be causing any off behaviors in her co-teacher. There always needs to be a mutual understanding in the classroom between teachers in order to be productive and respected.

I had followed up with them a few days after our discussion and they were on their way to working out any issues in the classroom between themselves always searching for a mutual agreement where both of them are happy with the outcome. My co-workers have learned to be mindful and respectful of others and try not to jump to conclusions without getting all the information first. My teachers know that effective communication is important in the classroom and important to demonstrate for their students. I can only see that bringing in more of the NVC fundamentals and the 3R’s perspective on communication can only help our school become a strong, caring, and respected community of educational professionals.

“Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart” (www.cncv.org).

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication.      

 Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/